A Funeral and a Wedding – What I Learned from 2020

Erin Brewer

On the last day of the year, I may have scrolled through the 32,000 *yes, that number is ridiculous* photos on my iPhone to post a memorable one from each month of the year. Instagram sucked me in once again. Between my posts and my friends – I found that 2020 was especially humorous with everyone starting out so hopeful, anticipating trips to places like Bora Bora, and then all of a sudden in lockdown for Covid-19.

While everyone was going through it together – I seemed to be in the wave of first offense – where I was convinced that Covid was out to get me personally. We were caught in important life moments, the loss of a Father-in-law, a proposal to wed the man of my dreams- and all the world freshly shut down. We had no idea how to proceed. Newscasters and politicians swore in two weeks’ time we would hit the peak. Funeral plans changed and at the time it seemed personally offensive that anyone would keep us from celebrating his life. It hurt a bit. 

Needless to say, the wedding venue stayed closed, and out of touch, for months. We moved 25 guests to a front yard wedding and very slyly didn’t tell the other 175 guests what the f was going on… Honestly, we were just as perplexed as them so no one asked questions (except for one person- which will make a funny story one day).

So, as I scrolled through my photos on the last day of 2020, I felt as if I went through the ringer. As I planned my Instagram-worthy stories, I thought to myself, dayum, I really came out of this one with the W. Here is what I learned:

#1 Build your house on solid ground.

Pray “your will be done, your kingdom come” and for things to be “the best they can be”. This prayer helped me let go of things I had dreamt of and accept the things I cannot change. This became a beautiful prayer – surrendering to the changes, but embracing whatever can come at the twists and turns. 

#2 You can’t make everyone happy.

You truly cannot. In a year where EVERYONE had an opinion on Covid – my wedding quickly became everyone else’s wedding. Whispers on preferences, seating in an outdoor vs. indoor wedding; promising they’d be there is there were less than 50 people present; judgment for following Governor’s orders or not following them; bracing myself for a mass exit of guests if people were not monitored for using hand sanitizer or wearing masks. I. Could. Not. Win. So at some point – I had to realize once again, I’m going to make this the best it can be for me because all the rules were out the window.

#3 Don’t give up on planning.

Don’t give up on planning. What’s a planner to do during Covid? There were moments I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and just turn the wedding into a small gathering wine tasting… I’m serious. I totally lost sight of what matters most – that we were making our covenants before God!  So I prayed for wisdom, and as a planner, I tried to plan as much as possible, and then hold it loosely.

#4 Take time to reflect.

If you didn’t do that this year – when all else was paused (or, crashed and burned) – it’s not too late. This is your challenge – it’s time to stop saying “I’m ready for things to be normal.” It’s time to start saying “how might we begin to see this as an opportunity?” These are opportunities to invest in our families, our roommates, or our very own souls as we are remote. This is the time to be innovative – to find new solutions instead of settling for the old industrial model.

This is the time to see where you were wasting time, and where time can be more intentional. For work, I spent so much time on the road for site visits, and 95% of the time, virtual site visits have been just fine! Wow- that is already hours gained back to my life. Before anything else changes with Covid – grab a journal and answer these two questions: 

• What has been core to my happiness in 2020? 

• Where have there been opportunities in blessings that weren’t options prior to 2020? 

#5 Life will always move on – Be wise.

It seems like last year more than ever – things just did not age well. I planned 2 work (small and manageable) conferences all to have one blown up days before (like while I was on “PTO” during my honeymoon! It was like I was sabotaged.) I love the books of Ecclesiastes and Provers for this – and just the plea for wisdom and prudence. It is so easy to get caught up on the little things – what is canceled. When in reality, the Earth is still spinning, and our life is but a mist (Whether it has Covid particles in the air or not). We lost a parent during this time and it was such a conflict to think about not seeing each other out of fear, or being with each other when we needed it most. We don’t regret a minute that we spent with family during that time.